The One of Many

"The One of Many"- By Xandrea Rhodes

I’m the one that is described in many different shades. We have our African queens, our Nubian princesses, our caramel desires or maybe a heresy kiss. I am the one that is oppressed for simply being her. The one that destroys others of my same reflection. Specifying that one shade in the same rainbow is better. Saying that being too black is too ugly and being too light is too fake. Faking my way through life, saying I’m proud of who I am but only if I’m the right shade.

I am the one that reminds everyone that I’m a bad b*, a real b*. But can’t even be real about her own situation at hand. The fact that were at war with the woman in the mirror, but still worried about the war that happened years ago. Jailed in our minds that we’ll never see passed the streets we grew up in. Caught in our lies that we were just set up for failure and have no reason to try. Caught in a world that only sees the anger and not the struggle behind it.

I am the one that being to black won’t get you a job and being too white won’t get you support from the ones that are supposed to be behind you. I am the one where being kind is weak and being strong is abused. I am the one where being successful means you forgot where you came from and not celebrated for the many doors you had to go through. I am the one where being sexy, not even beautiful is power but being educated is a waste of time. Auctioning our bodies off to him and him, praying that one day someone, anyone might take a bid. Getting on our knees, asking god to send you the right man but still opening our legs for the devil. Wondering why me?

And I know that not everyone is like this, but the ones that do, force the others to have to fight to be called a women, fight to be loved and fight to be respected when it should already be given to us. Popping bullets in our brothers backs, fighting our sisters. We are the only race that discriminates its own. Always reminding our children of how black they are compared to the world . Instead of reminding them of how influential they can be to this world. Planting seeds of hate instead of seeds of hope. Telling our children that we won’t make it in the white world and to stick to our own. Instead of telling them to go out and prove them wrong. Keeping our minds locked in oppression, its their fault I cant get a job. Its their fault I can’t be successful. But they are really you but in a different image.

Me Slowly breaking down the wall, I’m not in a gang, my favorite color just happens to be blue, just because I’m loud doesn’t mean I’m ghetto, yes I’m here for an education and no I don’t play sports, yes I like to dance, no I can not teach you how to twerk, is it cause I’m black? No I did not grow up in the streets, I had a nice house, with a good family and I hated high school just like you. Yes I’m from a single mother home but so is half the world. And lastly, NO I DO NOT TALK WHITE. I Talk like a regular human being.

While I’m digging my way out of this wall, someone’s building another one right behind me. Digging to find hope, digging to find my freedom. I just want to be X. But to us I'll always be the white girl, and to them, I'll always be the black girl. When I just want to be me.

Meat Withdrawals

As most of you know, I've decided to take on the life-style of Vegetarianism. Let's just say, I am already having meat withdrawals. The constant chants in my ears of every juicy piece of chicken, taunting me to eat it is overwhelming. I never noticed how delicious the chicken express signs look, until of course, I no longer can eat it.  After I boxing match with two ripped bean burritos, I realized that I have met my match. After leading me to the refrigerator, the bean burritos begged me to eat the sausage link instead, "Senorita, por favor No me coma,comer en lugar". My heart was telling me NO but my body,  my body was telling me, YES!
BUT I COULD'NT!
I slammed the fridge and tossed the burritos in the trash (ignoring there gurgled screams) and settled for cereal. At least the cereal didn't put up a fight. The urge to consume the poor little oinkers and moo moos was more than I anticipated. But I will not be hindered. As the cereal settled in my stomach, I slowly drifted off to sleep, only to be met with a dream of me devouring one cheeseburger after another.



This will be harder than expected!

-Letter of a Retired Meat Eater

Retired Meat Eater

So, I'm back. I bet your wondering about the name, "Retired Meat Eater". Well it is exactly what It  means. I've  made a conscious decision to retire from meat. As most, after watching horrible videos on how badly livestock is treated and the disgusting  environment that most at  keep in, if  decided to live a vegetarian/vegan diet. I want to pursue veganism but I will start my journey with vegetarian. I've done research an  I am fully convinced that this is the way I want to live my life!! Now with journeys, there are always mess ups. I notices after the fact that I subconsciously ate a pig in  blanket this morning. It  crazy how natural it is to just eat meet. Self control is a really  big part in this whole transition. So here I am, starting.  Blog about my journey from retiring meat :)

World Interview

“The question isn't who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” -Ayn Rand

My director placed this quote on an everyday email for the students and it touched me. I felt compelled to write my take on it. 

"The question isn't who is going to let me". 
   As I read this part of the quote, I realized that most of life was spent thinking about who was going to judge me, who was going to be the next person in line to tell me that I wasn't good enough. Who was going to be the next person to flash the shiny penny in my face and then take off with my purse that enclosed my biggest dreams. Only leaving me with the hopes to just get through this day. I almost foreshadowed the outcome that maybe I really wasn't going to do anything significant with my life. That maybe I should just conform to save the embarrassment of failure. I spent most of my life thinking this way. 

I"LL STOP BEING ME, SO YOU COULD BE ME ONE DAY.

I almost regularly convinced myself  that the next person in line had already got the "job", so I should go ahead, pack my bags and wait for the next opportunity. 
Because I was going to be great one day, it just wasn't my time yet, but it'll come to me one day. One Day.

THEN! It hit me! I'm going to march back into that building, politely take my place back in line and take that chance. That chance of faith that the world would want me as much as I wanted it. That the world would take me in its arms and lead me into the light. I was there! I was FINALLY there!! I had finally gotten it!

I'LL STOP BEING YOU, SO I COULD ONE DAY BE ME.

Because me is all I ever wanted. 

"...it's who is going to stop me."
I was afraid of people telling me NO because failure was suppose to mean NO! When in fact failure means not taking that chance! Giving up before getting up! Because really, who is going to stop me?

Whether its a yes or no, I will know that I succeeded in taking that chance. 

Because NOONE stopped me, not even myself!

The Awkward Pretty Pear

I was approached by some ladies that are doing a documentary project for a class. I delightfully agreed. The ladies explained to me that they were doing the project over Society Beauty and What makes me feel beautiful? I was all for it because I thought, "Psh I got this in the bag". I knew that I wanted to criticize that society makes beautiful an ugly word. Beautiful is suppose to be composed of happiness and contentment but instead it is filled with hatefulness, greed and despise. A girl can't be beautiful and smart. A girl can't be herself and beautiful at the same time. Those things just CAN NOT and MUST NOT go together they say! Because being yourself is a lie in itself and you aren't who you are unless it consist of wanting to be more than you. Just simply you. 

They then asked me what I thought beautiful meant. I replied, "Beauty is an internal element, it is how you walk, talk, and portray yourself". Being beautiful is the moment when you realize, I am happy not because I should be but because I just am. Society tries to take grasp of our mind and tell us, 
"NO! If you don't destroy your body, slaughter you mind with the all the false conceptions of being yourself then your not good enough"
"Not good enough for me"

So in the midst of me writing this, I decided to look up the actual definition of Beautiful. 

The definition said,"possessing beauty, or aesthetically pleasing". 
The synonyms were, "pretty, lovely, handsome, good-looking, alluring, cute and attractive."
The antonyms were, "ugly, awkward, repulsive, ordinary, disgusting, and hideous"

As you can tell most of these descriptions were physical appearances. Why can't beautiful be BOLD, LOVING, STRONG, POWERFUL, SMART and CONFIDENT

Who proclaimed that being Beautiful is physical! I want to be awkward, and pretty AT THE SAME TIME! I don't want to have to choose which form I would like to be molded in! I want to shape my own AWKWARD, CONFIDENT, ORDINARY, BEAUTIFUL life on my own, without anyone telling to pick.
Forcing me to shop at the local market, making me decide from apples and oranges. 
When all I want to be is my own AWKWARD, PRETTY Pear.

The Journey

B.O.W.S. (Believing in Outreach for Women's Success) was only a thought, a dream or even a weak attempt to want to do something important. Something so important that other lives could depend on it. I was challenged to make something out of an experience that I participated in at Southwestern Black Student Leadership Conference. My idea came out as a creeping fog; scary and unknowing. I thought of a mentoring program for young women. This program was going to consist of CHANGING LIVES. That's all I knew at that point. I wanted to do it but I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. My director simply said, "DO IT!".  It took a moment for me to process it. Me, Xandrea Rhodes; will plan, coordinate and pull off this mentoring program. The only thing I could think off at that moment was, "What did I get myself into?". It was long over due though, I had a voice and I needed to use it. I knew what I was capable of and it was my time to shine.So I started the process, it took me a while to figure out what I really want this program to be and the audience I wanted to reach. After numerous discussions with professionals I realized that the demographics in the surrounding area did not particularly support my program but I was not deterred. I talked to probation officers and judges in the area that led me in the right direction. Conversations with them gave me more knowledge about the situation and the needs of the community. After I gathered all I needed, I started to do preliminary calls to schools in the area to see if they would be interested in the organizations. I received positive interest so I begin meeting with school officials. My excitement to see my dream become a reality was overwhelming, we didn't have any girls at this point but I was just excited to see interest. After the school officials accepted the program, then I went to work on getting the girls to be interested in the program. I decided the best approach is to actually go up to the schools and talk to the girls. Going up to the schools was amazing, to see the girls, them asking questions, and actually wanting to be apart of this program reiterated that I was doing the right thing. During all of this the leaders and I were having weekly meetings and a Leader Retreat. I can honestly say I was so nervous because I wanted this program to mean as much to them as it does to me. I wanted to give them something to believe in. My main goal for the meeting and retreat was not only to prepare the leaders but to also peer mentor them and give them a chance to learn from all of us. One of the leaders actually had a conversation that she was tearing up at a meeting because she felt that every leader was here for a reason and that we are all meant to be here.Let's just say it was a success and went way better then I imagined. (Fast-Forward) We ended up with 13 registration of girls wanting to come to B.O.W.S., we wanted 30 but 13 was just enough for me. It is now the day before the conference, my nerves are out the roof and I only want it to be nothing less than perfect. We have done everything possible to prepare for this, I could only hope for the best. The day is over, the day was filled with dedication, hard work, beautiful stories and change. This day could have not gone any better. Only 7 out of the original number showed up but that is all were needed. Everyone that was there was meant to be there. This experience has changed my life forever. I grew professionally and personally. I have never achieved anything that great before, if  I could do it again. I would!

Loud & Proud

I am the typical rascal chasing and fumbling after her impossible but yet totally applicable dreams. I want so much in life that I frequently depend on ice cream and strawberry milk shakes to ease the pain. My head can not contain the amount of ideas that it holds so I choose blogging to release it. I am obsessed with the future. I freak out about my graduation on a daily basis and it's in May 2014. The uncertainty kills me and I just wish I could just take one little peek in the future just in case.

This first post in an opener. It is my introduction to the world that I am here and ready to take it on. I am unusually amazing, happy and sad, and finally poorly successful. My blog will consist of inspiration from my mind and daily life. There will be NO DISESPECT ALLOWED. Only everlasting up lifting to others and topics of the week! I love to talk and hear peoples stories, feel free to message me and give me the whole spill. I want to be a life coach out of the many other things I want, so let's just say I'll need some guinea pigs!

Stay tuned for topics of the week!


Also visit my site for information about me :)
http://xandrearhodes.snappages.com

-BloX